Our new PM has a sense of humour - and doesn't much care for political correctness.

Watermelon smiles
They say [Blair] is shortly off to the Congo. No doubt the AK47s will fall silent, and the pangas will stop their hacking of human flesh, and the tribal warriors will all break out in watermelon smiles to see the big white chief touch down in his big white British taxpayer-funded bird.

Letter box burkas
If you tell me that the burka is oppressive, then I am with you. ... I would go further and say that it is absolutely ridiculous that people should choose to go around looking like letter boxes.

Hillary Clinton
She's got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.

Islam
To any non-Muslim reader of the Koran, Islamophobia - fear of Islam - seems a natural reaction, and, indeed, exactly what that text is intended to provoke. Judged purely on its scripture - to say nothing of what is preached in the mosques - it is the most viciously sectarian of all religions in its heartlessness towards unbelievers.

Piccaninnies
It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies.

President Erdogan
There was a young fellow from Ankara
Who was a terrific wankerer
Till he sowed his wild oats
With the help of a goat
But he didn't even stop to thankera.

Business worrying about hard Brexit
Fuck business.

Labour Party totty
The unanimous opinion is that what has been called the 'Tottymeter' reading is higher than at any Labour Party conference in living memory.

His female publisher
Just pat her on the bottom and send her on her way.

Electioneering
Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts.

Driving a Ferrari F340
It was as though the whole county of Hampshire was lying back and opening her well-bred legs to be ravished by the Italian stallion.

Ladies' sport
There are semi-naked women playing beach volleyball glistening like wet otters.

Gays
In the Ministry of Sound, the tank-topped bumboys blub into their Pils.

Gay marriage
If gay marriage was OK - and I was uncertain on the issue - then I saw no reason in principle why a union should not be consecrated between three men, as well as two men, or indeed three men and a dog.