Usually, when some new intercultural conflict erupts in the harmonious multicultural nirvana that is modern Britain, left-liberals know exactly whose side to take.
They simply refer to their victimology league table, in which women rank higher than men, homosexuals higher than heterosexuals, Muslims higher than Christians - and everybody higher than straight, white, Christian males (the universally hated 'oppressors').
So far, so straightforward.
But what if both adversaries are designated victim groups - as in the present battle between Muslim parents and LGBT activists in Birmingham?
It's enough to make a leftist's tiny brain overheat!
For those who haven't been watching, here's a blow-by-blow account of the Birmingham rumble so far:
In March this year, crowds of mainly Muslim parents begin noisily protesting outside Anderton Park Primary school in Balsall Heath.
They claim that, under guise of 'LGBT awareness', their kids are being indoctrinated with (distinctly unislamic) ideas about same-sex marriage and transgenderism.
Parents organise a boycott of the school, and hundreds of children are kept home.
One local man speaks for many when he says:
Our children go to school to learn maths and science, not learn this rubbish. They should be left to be kids.
Disgusted at such blatant homophobia, LGBT activists descend on the school and decorate the railings with rainbow flags and 'love is the answer' signs.
Ignoring this exhortation, protesters pelt the LGBT activists with eggs and accusations of 'Islamophobia', then tear down their signs.
Tensions escalate; headteacher Sarah Hewitt-Clarkson receives threatening emails and phone calls.
Protesters call her a 'paedophile'.
Local Labour MP Jess Phillips sticks her oar in, accuses protestors of 'bigotry'.
A High Court injunction bans further demonstrations in streets around the school till 10 June, when parents will get the chance to put their case to a judge.
Anyone breaching the order could be arrested, even jailed.
Ms Hewitt-Clarkson is 'very upset' at the injunction, fears it could make matters worse.
Protest leader Shakeel Afsar (below) vows to challenge the ban.
More explosive action to come - bag a ringside seat and grab some popcorn!
Yes, there's amusement to be had from watching two 'vulnerable victim' groups slug out their ideological differences on the streets.
But there's also a serious principle at stake, namely the right of parents to pass on to their children their own deeply held moral values.
This fight is bigger than gays versus Muslims (and it's not about Muslim fundamentalism or the unacceptable extremes of Sharia Law).
It's traditional morality and family values versus corrupting left-wing 'progressivism' and anything-goes sexuality.
An issue on which most parents - Muslim, Christian, Jewish, even atheist - can agree.
An investigation by BBC Newsnight found letters opposing the teaching of relationships and sex education (RSE) and LGBT equality had been sent to schools across the country.
Schools in Birmingham, Bradford, Bristol, Croydon, Ealing, Manchester, Northampton and Nottingham had received the letters from conservative Muslims.
In Kent, schools received letters from Christian parents and there have been reports that some children in Bristol have been removed from school by concerned parents.
Britain First defends the right of parents to instil traditional morality and family values in their offspring, to resist sexualisation of young children in school, and especially to shield them from aggressive homosexual/ transgender propaganda.