The mere sight of a third-worlder's bare feet is enough to make Pope Francis fall to his knees and start slobbering over them:
How to explain this peculiar behaviour?
Humiliation and foot fetishism are both common types of sexual deviancy, so a hybrid humiliation-foot fetishism (doubling the erotic tingle) isn't beyond the bounds of possibility.
Is that what's going on beneath the papal vestments?
Maybe it's not to do with that at all, but rather the Argie pontiff's way of symbolising European Christendom's prostration before the invading non-Christian hordes.
This seems the more likely explanation, given his advocacy of globalisation and mass immigration from Africa, Asia and the Middle East.
The old geezer just can't stop wheezing about poor, oppressed third-worlders and their God-given right to western welfare.
'A Christian', says Francis, should 'stand in the shoes of those brothers and sisters of ours who risk their lives to offer a future to their children.'
Including young migrant men who leave their wives and kids behind in warzones?
Or the tens of thousands of fortune-seekers who travel from safe countries in safe planes or safe ships?
Pope Francis may be unclear on these details, but his opposition to border walls is clear enough.
'Builders of walls sow fear and divide people', he says. 'A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian.'
Strangely, his own residence in Vatican City is well defended by walls and armed guards.
The pope has recently given 75,000 migrants at the southern border of the USA $500,000 'for housing, food and necessities', seemingly oblivious that such aid will only encourage tens of thousands more to head there.
It's reckless and irresponsible.
He complains that they're stranded in Mexico, 'unable to enter the United States, without a home or livelihood'.
Maybe they should have thought about that before they left.
When aimed at Muslims, the pope's displays of faux-humility, submissiveness - whatever you want to call it - carry special significance, for the literal meaning of 'Islam' is submission, and fundamentalists see submission to Allah as the ultimate destiny of all mankind.
Today's Catholic and Protestant Church leaders, unlike those of earlier times, espouse what Telegraph journalist Charles Moore termed 'the politics of weakness' - which are guaranteed to accelerate the growth of fundamentalist Islam.
Pope Francis may be several beads short of a rosary, but his stance on migration threatens the security and interests of native Europeans.
The drooling old fool must go.